Life is not fair. Our author isn’t either. Be glad you got a starring role in her book! #Character #Confessions



SAGE: Looks around cautiously before sitting down.
“My name is Sage Cynwrig, and I’m super excited to finally have a chance to speak without the Grand High Poohbah looking over my shoulder.”

GREY: Sneaks up behind Sage.
“Don’t let Ava hear you say that. Or wait, please do. I’d love to see her string your newbie-ass up.” 

SAGE: 
“First off… Rude! And second, I might be new but I’m not stupid enough to talk crap about her. I was referring to our author.” 

GREY: 
“Do you have any girl friends?”

SAGE: 
“What is that supposed to mean?”

GREY: 
“Just an observation. You don’t seem to get along with women.” 

SAGE: 
“Says the man who has no friends what so ever.”

GREY: *shrugs* 
“Liabilities.” 

SAGE: 
“What are you doing here anyway? This is supposed to be my show.”

GREY: 
“Do we really need to revisit the incident with the vampire?” 

SAGE: 
“You mean the vampire you sent to kill me?”

GREY: 
“I was referring to the one you invited into your apartment!”

SAGE: 
“One in the same there, buddy. Do me a favor, you’re killing my screen time here, just sit there and look pretty. Let me finish my interview.” 

GREY: Adjusts his fedora and winks.
“Every time I let you out of my sight you find some new and creative way to get yourself killed. I really don’t want to have to deal with that paperwork. Go ahead, continue this idiocy.”

SAGE: 
“Back to what I was saying.” 

GREY: 
“Which was?”

SAGE: 
“One more word and I knock that stupid hat off your stupid head.”

GREY: 
“You said you liked my hat.”

SAGE: 
“You said you’d be quiet.” 

GREY: 
“Never actually spoke those words.”

SAGE: 
“Okay just ignore him or we’ll never get to today’s topic. Which is evil authors. Seriously. My author must work for Disney or something. What is the first thing she does? Kill off my mom. Page-freaking-one. Before you all could see how absolutely bad-ass she was, Mrs. Evil Author just offs her. Off screen no less. I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye.” 

GREY: 
“Complain, complain, complain. You see what I have to put up with all day?”

SAGE: 
“Says the man who ended her existence.” 

GREY: 
“Your mom was gone long before I dispatched the thing that reanimated her body. And if I hadn’t removed her head when I did, you’d have lost your own. I believe the words you’re looking for are, thank you Grey, for single-handedly saving my life.”

SAGE: 
“When did your parent die again? How many hundreds of years ago? Give me a break here the wounds are still fresh.”

GREY: 
“Your mother died in service to A.S.S.E.T. She was revered as one of the best among our kind. Honor her memory by serving the agency in the same fashion and her legacy will live on through you.” 

SAGE: 
“Are you reading from a card?”

GREY: Shrugs*
“I could just tattoo it to your forehead, as many times as I’ve had to say it to you.” 

SAGE: 
“Touché.” 

GREY: Tips his hat.

SAGE: 
“But, I stand by what I said. Our author is evil. She not only kills my mom off, but doesn’t even tell me about my family’s legacy. I mean, c’mon at least give a girl a heads up before throwing vampires, trolls, and ogres at her.” 

GREY: 
“I thought you liked Devon.”

SAGE: 
“He’s the best personal trainer money can buy. Seriously. PX90 has nothing on an ogre’s workouts. But what I mean is, don’t leave your MC in the dark. Help a girl out. If our author had given me even the slightest clue of what our family is, I’d have freaked out less.”

GREY: 
“It’s our way.”

SAGE: 
“It’s our way because our evil author wrote us that way. She could have written us differently, and let our family tell us about the magical world and how we fit within it.”

GREY: 
“Leave it to you to find the negative in having a magical legacy. If your mom had not been killed.”

SAGE: 
“Murdered.”

GREY: 
“Fine. If she had not been murdered, you’d have never known about magic. Our connection to the magical realm is only activated when one of our kind die. You’d have lived an entirely human life, had kids, a dog, whatever, and never known about magic if your mother had lived on.” 

SAGE: 
“Plot hole! How would my mom have lived on as an immortal without me noticing?”

GREY: 
“You don’t read the manuals do you? ASSET Agent contract, addendum 57 article C. Agents with living relatives must surrender their identity, fake their death for the layman, when it no longer becomes believable for their service to continue in their active duty station.” 

SAGE: 
“I may have missed that section. I didn’t really get a good chance to look at the contract. You guys rushed me through processing and all. But I will.” 

GREY: 
“Life is not fair. Our author isn’t going to be either. Be glad you got a starring role in her books.” 

SAGE: 
“Kiss ass.” 

GREY: 
“I know how to play the game, and keep myself from being killed off.” 

SAGE: 
“Says the man who hates games.” 

GREY: 
“The games you play, yes. Pretending to cast spells and kill dragons. You live this shit every day at work. Why in the Mother’s name would you want to play it with a bunch of humans?”

SAGE: 
“Because in that world, I can actually cast spells.” 

GREY: 
“Negatron strikes again.” 

SAGE: 
“Did Grey Maddox just make a joke?”

GREY: 
“I’ll try not to let it go to my head.”

SAGE: 
“Good because your dad-jokes aren’t that funny.” 

GREY: 
“Can we get back to work now? This is taking forever.” 

SAGE: 
“I still stand behind my point. My author… our author is evil. She purposefully puts us in positions to fail. She kills off people we love without giving us a chance to say good bye.”

GREY: 
“This is me playing the saddest tune on world’s smallest violin.”

SAGE: 
“And she writes me a partner who has the emotional depth of a puddle evaporating in the desert heat.” 

GREY: 
“Hold on. I think I hear the waaaaaambulence.” 

SAGE: 
“I’ll leave it to you guys. Read the Agents of ASSET series, A Weapon of Magical Destruction and A Taste of Your Own Magic. You’ll see. Katie Salidas is the evilest of all authors. Even now she is penning our next massive FUBAR assignment Magic in Disguise. The levels of her cruelty know no bounds.” 

GREY: 
“Are you finished?”

SAGE: Smacks the fedora off of Grey’s head.
“Yep. All done. Let’s go! 
Happy Reading Y’all!”




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